Shopping is horrible
Jan 12, 2010 | 10836 views | 0 0 comments | 220 220 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Dear Editor:

Between Christmas and New Year's,one of my most favorite things to do is schlep out to the Riverhead Tangers outlets from our humble Queens abode ,on a welcome rare day off to return Christmas gifts that my wife and daughter received. What could be better? Sleep late? Relax at home watching some ball games? Enjoy lunch at home? Are you kidding?

Just over an hour's leisurely drive,with cars zipping by me at speeds approaching 100MPH ,we arrived at the congested convoluted parking lots where our first stop was Coach. The line inside to purchase an exhanged pocketbook or purse was as long as the line for the ET adventure on a busy weekend at Universal studios in Orlando.

Oh what fun it is to stand on a rigid line all day. Listen,do you want to know a secret? A Victoria's Secret that is: No fun there either,except watching the bevy of buxom blondes pillaging through the tables overflowing with bras and underwear.

My spirit was willing but not my body as we encroached upon the Easy Spirit store. I was getting tired and hungry. Lucky for me,I discovered some chocolate covered bing cherry samples at nearby Harry and David, otherwise I might have starved to death.

With my wife and daughter trying on shoe after shoe in different stores and factory brand outlets ,my desperation for food had increased exponentially and my body longed for rest. Even the good Old Navy could not rescue me as I was also drowning into an abyss of boredom. Finally, my pleas and prayers to go to the food court were heard. Yes. Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Some Auntie Ann's pretzel bites slowly get my pulse nearing normal and a generous portion of General Chow's chicken, an eggroll, and lo mein revived me for my next excursion: Lancome designer fragrances. As usual , with no chair to sit in, I stood in dismay watching my two passengers open practically every box of perfume, soap,and cream to examine. I meandered away for a few minutes from those wonderful scents at a Pepperidge Farm Outlet salivating over the mint milano cookies. Your Guess is as good as mine as to where we embarked next. Do we have to keep up with the Jones New York?

The hordes of teeny-boppers at Aeropostale, Aerosole,and Aerosmith kept my eyes open for a while but fatigue was settling into my bones again. This American Eagle had landed as we trekked into one clothing store after another. My weary body could barely stand. Out of sheer exhaustion, I fell into the Gap ,sinking into a soft chair that felt like heaven.

Then, just as the sunlight had all but disappeared,and the crepuscular skies emerged,my wife suddenly announced,"we are leaving". Surely these were the three most stimulating words I heard all day.!!

Our journey home was uneventful,except for a lot more traffic on the Long Island Expressway as we inched closer to my final resting place. The thought of chicken cutlets and spaghetti awaiting to be reheated at home gave me the inspiration to drive our final few miles. Great Steak and Potato!! There's no place like home.


Mark Lane

Little Neck
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