Would Anybody Ever Abuse the Internet? Hmmm, We Wonder....
Feb 17, 2009 | 25737 views | 0 0 comments | 1796 1796 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Speaker Christine Quinn held her State of the City address last week, and boy was it a humdinger! Our readers are probably asking themselves, "Who in the heck is Christine Quinn? I sure didn't vote for her!" and you'd be right. She is the Speaker of the City Council, a position that she, as a councilwoman, was appointed to by her fellow councilmates.

She represents Manhattan, meaning that none of our readers ever made a tic mark next to her name on any ballot of any kind, nor will they until Mayor Michael Bloomberg vacates his throne, er....we mean Gracie Mansion and allows someone else have a turn at running New York City, home of the $1 falafel sandwich. (No, we won't tell you where you can get that deal!)

So why is this person, who was never voted for by any member of 50 of the city's 51 districts, speaking for the entire populace of New York. Because she can, and she thinks she has some important things to say. Fortunately, we disagree.

Setting aside the fact that the "State of the (insert territory here)" addresses are becoming increasingly commonplace, and with that overabundance, decreasingly relevant, it's important for any legislator to include a proposal in their address that has the right mix of simplicity, novelty, and irrelevancy, so that the low-brow newspapers that clog our city's subway platforms have something to splash on their front cover.

For example, Speaker Quinn's address was primarily focused on the current financial crisis that the city is in, but numbers aren't that sexy. So she decided to jazz up her speech with some talk about the Internet, and pretty soon every tabloid in town is buzzing about her words.

Yes, the Internet is new and exciting, and Speaker Quinn, to her credit came up with an innovative way to capitalize on these new fangled "web pages" for both fun and profit, the latter of which is very much needed right not. (We're having fun, even if you're not.) She proposed to create a .nyc web domain for local business so that they would not have to compete with businesses in other areas for these pricey web addresses (not to be confused with the State of the City addresses).

The locality of the address will also help build a greater sense of community between small businesses who display their wares on the web and their neighborhood customers. Quinn herself cited tonyspizza.nyc as an example of both the type of website that could be created through this new domain and as a dose of the casual racism that has taken hold of the ruling class of our fair city. Seriously, not all pizza makers are owned by guys named Tony. (Just the good ones.)

So now that we have the .nyc address, instigated by the speaker of our City Council, it is going to be used and abused by the scum of the internet. In case we have all forgotten in this day and age of used booksellers and neighborhood pizzerias, the internet is used for an awful lot of awful things. Has anyone at City Hall ever seen Dateline's "To Catch a Predator?"

There are going to be some terrible, evil websites that end in the New York City sponsored .nyc domain, and that comes with at least some tangential endorsement of the city. Sure it may not happen at first, but ten years down the line, when Tony's Pizzeria goes out of business and sells off their assets, tonyspizza.nyc will almost certainly be owned by an adult entertainment company to promote their illicit line of videos featuring Italian girls smashing fresh pizza with a high-heeled shoe.

This is, after all, the World Wide Web, and anything that can be created within its confines can be used to hawk nausea-inducing video footage of a sexual nature. As this is a family newspaper, we'll let our readers come up with their own hilarious ".nyc" innuendos, but we promise that this is the first step onto a slippery slope that will turn city government into smut peddlers.

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