We Aren't Shilling for Bloomy, or Are We?
Apr 07, 2009 | 22446 views | 0 0 comments | 1094 1094 recommendations | email to a friend | print
In the hot race to be the next mayor of New York City, it’s no surprise to hear that dirty tricks are being pulled. After all, politics was built on a foundation of slung mud that sort of collected at the base of a garbage heap. (Check out the history of City Hall if you don’t believe us! It was built on the spot that Ben Franklin used to dump all of his lightning-fried kites.)

But we’ve barely entered election season, and we are already in the midst of a public slandering battle that just might make the victim look worse for wear. Is it all part of a dastardly double cross by our incumbent, billionaire mayor and swami of shams Mike Bloomberg.

As reported in less reputable rags than this one, the Mayor’s campaign has been implicated in what are known as “push-polling” calls. The automated calls are made to random houses throughout the election district, in this case, New York City, and a seemingly neutral survey goes furiously awry.

In this case, the machine surveys, after asking several innocuous questions, would begin to ask subtly anti-Weiner questions. (That’s Queens and Brooklyn Congressman Anthony Weiner, a possible mayoral candidate, for those that haven’t been paying attention.) The questions suggest that the candidate has been up to no good, in the vein of, “If you discovered Anthony Weiner wore a mask made out of freshly-flayed dog skin to a dinner with the vice president, would you think more or less of him?” It’s similar to the “Have you stopped beating your wife?” question that is popularly asked in the bath and frat houses across this fine nation of ours.

The story, which ran on the front page of New York City’s paper of record (other than this one, we mean,) outed several Bloomberg campaigners as responsible for the call, which would seem to be a pretty good indictment of the mayor, his tacticians, their tactics, and their character as men.

Because seriously, Anthony Weiner is not even officially a candidate in this race, and they are already spending thousands of dollars to smear the dude. Realistically, a pizza delivery guy poses as much threat to the mayor’s re-election as an undeclared candidate. And while that last statement is almost true, it’s also very true, and the mayor and his people should just lay off. Don’t they have better things to do, like beating the snot out of cigarette smokers, gun owners, and bike riders?

And while the mayor and his people caught an awful lot of flack for such underhanded tactics being employed this early in the game, the Weiner camp may be getting even larger percentage of blame and snotty remarks. It seems that by taking these phone calls to the media, political wonks from here to Washington, D.C. are accusing Weiner of manipulating the media into making a mountain out of a molehill. So the undeclared candidate is being criticized for pointing out that he’s being criticized by the big man of New York City politics.

Of course, the wonks behind Pol Position don’t feel that way, but we are, in fact, throwing mud onto this molehill, thereby increasing its mass and helping it grow to a mountainous size. Maybe we are in the tank for Weiner, or maybe Bloomberg is so good that we’re in the tank for him and we don’t even know it. He is probably the only politician that could afford to buy spy satellites with thought-interference capabilities.

Loyal readers, it may be time to strap on your tin foil helmets. At least until Election Day.

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