There’s Something Wrong With My Constitution
by Craig Schwab
Oct 16, 2019 | 1102 views | 0 0 comments | 123 123 recommendations | email to a friend | print
I woke up today and my Constitution was not the way it is supposed to be. I am wondering if it is something I ate for dinner last night. Maybe it’s something I watched on TV? Or perhaps, it’s something I read in a newspaper or on my computer?

My Constitution has always been a reliable source that makes me feel secure in what I choose to do every day. I think my Constitution is the same as yours. Surely, there’s no other way to interpret what can cause such unrest.

There’s a lot of food for thought when it comes to how many different ways my Constitution can feel upset. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. I used to be able to listen to everything with an open mind. I used to be able to read everything and not feel my Constitution being tied in knots.

I am wondering if this an age-related ailment or if I have been poisoned by something or someone? I fear this problem is only going to get worse in the next year.

My Constitution cannot tolerate so many different interpretations and compromises. I keep searching for different remedies. I used to go to the movies and be entertained, now I have to worry if the movie will cause my Constitution to explode in anger or fear.

I used to enjoy watching sports on television, now I have to worry if my Constitution will be upset by something that’s not a part of the game. I keep telling myself my Constitution will solve its own problems.

My doctor says all of his patients suffer from the same problem. He says there’s no medical solution to how my Constitution is feeling today. I wonder if my Constitution can discover its own cure.

I thought about taking a long walk, but my Constitution cannot tolerate the different ways others with the same disease carry on about being so upset. I thought about taking a long drive, but my Constitution cannot understand why so many people are trying to get places faster than their vehicles can get them there.

I don’t remember my Constitution having so many different emotions. I don’t remember my Constitution being left open to such scrutiny.

I think the only way to solve this problem is to become an astronaut. Maybe in outer space the gravity won’t weigh my Constitution down. Maybe on another planet my Constitution won’t feel so torn apart. I’m going to look into this possibility.

Now all I have to do is convince the people I love to follow my lead. I wonder if they want to feel better too? Maybe they like the way their Constitution is making them feel? Maybe they have stronger stomachs for these things?

There's got to be an explanation for this problem. Perhaps I should try a different diet? It can't be healthy to swallow the same dirt everyday.

If I can't become an astronaut, maybe I should look in to joining a cult. They have strict rules about thinking and feeling outside of the box. When did the box become so confining?

My Constitution may need an overhaul. It cannot stand up under all of these changes. Maybe I should stop watching TV? Maybe I should stop reading? Maybe I should change my medications?

My doctor says he's giving a lot of his patients lobotomies. He says once they have their brains removed, they feel a hundred percent better. I asked him if I will be able to keep my good memories. He says it's a risk I'll have to take. I scheduled my lobotomy for November 2020. He's booked solid until then.

In the meantime, he recommended I write everything I want to remember down in a journal. He says my Constitution will never be the same after I empty my brain. That makes a lot of sense to me.

Craig Schwab is an author and resident of Glendale.

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